Thursday, January 8, 2009
12.37
today has not been easy i feel grumpy and irritated and sick and very very sleepy i want a smoke, i keep thinking one wont hurt but i know it will. plus i will be un-doing all the work I've done and we have now gone 38 hours without a smoke which is probably the most ever since we started smoking. i just wish i could shake this feeling. i know i can do it and get through but its the argh i want one feeling and it doesn't help if you want one and someone says you can have one if you want *Connor cough Connor*
10.20 am
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Day 2 - 9.00 am
Day 2 of being smoke free. i didnt sleep very well last night have a bit of a sore tummy and kept dreaming about smokes and woke up every hour on the hour maybe its the patches?
Im finding things difficult atm, not because i want a smoke or am even craving one but when my stress level rises then i find it more difficult and Connor doesn't seem to be doing to well and the stress in the house is rapidly rising. i am trying to be supportive of him but he is just getting really irritated and having a go at me about things that are not even my fault. I know its part of trying to give up but i kinda think if i can walk away as soon as i'm starting to feel slightly irritated and do something else rather than taking it out on him then he can bloody well do the same . I so badly want to do this but feel i cant if he is going to keep stressing at me.... im not looking forward to day and starting to think maybe it would be easier if he was at work. ( you probably will read this but this is my blog and i write on here rather than taking it out on you :P)
I need support in the way that my achievements are recognized, and trying to be as stress free as possible the whole house - its contagious if your happy and stress free. but also unfortunately works the other way round aswell. its hard not to get stressed when someone is having a go at you and then when you point it out its still there fault......
anyway hoping that today will be an ok day. The thing really bothering me is we Have to succeed and i kind of wish i hadn't agreed to the bike not because i don't want to give up but more because i don't think that Connor appreciates that and the effort it is taking from me. I am not actually getting anything financial /materialistic from it and he has exactly what he wants wich is why we are giving up. Mainly for him!
anyway im going to go try be stress free, smoke free all day again - may update later.
Im finding things difficult atm, not because i want a smoke or am even craving one but when my stress level rises then i find it more difficult and Connor doesn't seem to be doing to well and the stress in the house is rapidly rising. i am trying to be supportive of him but he is just getting really irritated and having a go at me about things that are not even my fault. I know its part of trying to give up but i kinda think if i can walk away as soon as i'm starting to feel slightly irritated and do something else rather than taking it out on him then he can bloody well do the same . I so badly want to do this but feel i cant if he is going to keep stressing at me.... im not looking forward to day and starting to think maybe it would be easier if he was at work. ( you probably will read this but this is my blog and i write on here rather than taking it out on you :P)
I need support in the way that my achievements are recognized, and trying to be as stress free as possible the whole house - its contagious if your happy and stress free. but also unfortunately works the other way round aswell. its hard not to get stressed when someone is having a go at you and then when you point it out its still there fault......
anyway hoping that today will be an ok day. The thing really bothering me is we Have to succeed and i kind of wish i hadn't agreed to the bike not because i don't want to give up but more because i don't think that Connor appreciates that and the effort it is taking from me. I am not actually getting anything financial /materialistic from it and he has exactly what he wants wich is why we are giving up. Mainly for him!
anyway im going to go try be stress free, smoke free all day again - may update later.
The day is over and i made it!!!!
Well its now 10.12 pm and pretty much 24 hours since we had our last smoke and I am coming on to update before i sign off and go to bed.
Today hasn't been as bad as i thought it would be and i am very proud of my achievement (And Connors as well) i have had a few moments were i was expecting a smoke but instead just found something else to do. its just the mind frame i think, this morning i was feeling quite apprehensive about it all and really didn't expect to succeed but by 11 o'clock i knew that i would make it :) and now i know i can do it so no matter how hard it gets i am not going to give up giving up lol!
anyway thanks for all the support today to my fantastic friends and family.
Tomorrow is a whole new day and will update accordingly.
Today hasn't been as bad as i thought it would be and i am very proud of my achievement (And Connors as well) i have had a few moments were i was expecting a smoke but instead just found something else to do. its just the mind frame i think, this morning i was feeling quite apprehensive about it all and really didn't expect to succeed but by 11 o'clock i knew that i would make it :) and now i know i can do it so no matter how hard it gets i am not going to give up giving up lol!
anyway thanks for all the support today to my fantastic friends and family.
Tomorrow is a whole new day and will update accordingly.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
6 pm :)
Well its now 6 pm and i have survived the whole day with little to no stress, i'm excited i'm really achieving this. ok so yes its only Day 1 but i've nearly made it through day 1 if i can do today then i can do it tomorrow and every day after that *does a little dance for me and for connor* i think connor is doing well aswell havnt seen him since 4 pm he seemed a little stressed but he is still doing amazing :) GO CONNOR!
its nearly been 20 hours now since our last smoke :) im really wondering why i havnt given up sooner altho as they say better late then never. im not denying that its going to be hard at points and im not forgetting i am still using the patches but yeah im proud of us.
will probably update next at 24 hours and will only write as i need/ want to over the next few days so will probably get less as time goes on. its kind of a crutch thing something to lean on and write when things get tough or i just want to gloat and say yay me haha.
Rhiley had Daycare today wich helped but connor is home tomorow its his day off work so not sure if it will be more or less stressful? but if it gets to stressful we can go out or connor can go for a ride or me and rhi can go to the park or something :) im sure we will be fine and dandy.
Rhi hasnt gone to sleep yet altho he grabbed the bottle i made up off the side and ran off to bed at 5.45 pm, he already had hold of it before i could stop him its a tad annoying as he wont go sleep yet and then he is gonna want to get up and have another bottle when he goes back to sleep but oh well such is life.
i have eaten quite alot today and need to be careful i do not replace smoking with eating as i dont want to get Fat lol, well any fatter than bubba is gonna make me anyway.
i guess eating is ok as long as its relatively healthy and not junk food. i think we are gonna go thru all our food pretty quickly this week as i usually only eat once a day and that is at dinner time!
thats all from me for now, gonna go see Rhi and see if he wants to read with me hehe. then if he goes sleep i wil try sleep for a couple of hours before i need to start dinner at 8 pm.
its nearly been 20 hours now since our last smoke :) im really wondering why i havnt given up sooner altho as they say better late then never. im not denying that its going to be hard at points and im not forgetting i am still using the patches but yeah im proud of us.
will probably update next at 24 hours and will only write as i need/ want to over the next few days so will probably get less as time goes on. its kind of a crutch thing something to lean on and write when things get tough or i just want to gloat and say yay me haha.
Rhiley had Daycare today wich helped but connor is home tomorow its his day off work so not sure if it will be more or less stressful? but if it gets to stressful we can go out or connor can go for a ride or me and rhi can go to the park or something :) im sure we will be fine and dandy.
Rhi hasnt gone to sleep yet altho he grabbed the bottle i made up off the side and ran off to bed at 5.45 pm, he already had hold of it before i could stop him its a tad annoying as he wont go sleep yet and then he is gonna want to get up and have another bottle when he goes back to sleep but oh well such is life.
i have eaten quite alot today and need to be careful i do not replace smoking with eating as i dont want to get Fat lol, well any fatter than bubba is gonna make me anyway.
i guess eating is ok as long as its relatively healthy and not junk food. i think we are gonna go thru all our food pretty quickly this week as i usually only eat once a day and that is at dinner time!
thats all from me for now, gonna go see Rhi and see if he wants to read with me hehe. then if he goes sleep i wil try sleep for a couple of hours before i need to start dinner at 8 pm.
1.30 pm all going good still
its 1.30 pm and 15 hours since our last smoke! wow! i know its only 15 hours and to some people that might be like 15 hours isn't much but for me its heaps.
I am not really craving it at all definatley think the patches are working regarding the cravings altho i have a bad headache I need to remember to drink as i usually have drinks with my smokes so when I'm not smoking I've been forgetting to have a drink.
the only real issue I'm having is the being bored and at certain times when i would be going for a cigarette having to find something else to do.
I've read my magazine and done lots of the puzzles and funnily enough in the magazine was an article on giving up smoking and how smoking caused a stroke/ blood clot for this young woman maybe its a sign haha.
i hope Connor is doing ok if you are reading this babe - keep going and hopefully work is keeping you busy.
Im very lucky to have a supportive husband and its so cool we can do this together hopefully will add many years onto our lives by giving up now rather than later and we will both be happier and healthier and financially wealthier haha.
anyway im loving being able to write stuff in this blog, i love writing things and its cool i can just come on here and write it down helps get thru the bored cravings for a smoke. i have kind of come to realize today just how much of a habit it has come as i said earlier im not physically even wanting one its more the habit I'm just used to having one! in saying that tho i am feeling a bit light headed and spacy/ tired because i haven't had one but it isn't affecting me too badly and might have a snooze before my midwife comes.
this is random rambling i know but its my blog haha.
face bovvered?
im off again - no doubt there will be an update in a few hours ;) watch this space.
I am not really craving it at all definatley think the patches are working regarding the cravings altho i have a bad headache I need to remember to drink as i usually have drinks with my smokes so when I'm not smoking I've been forgetting to have a drink.
the only real issue I'm having is the being bored and at certain times when i would be going for a cigarette having to find something else to do.
I've read my magazine and done lots of the puzzles and funnily enough in the magazine was an article on giving up smoking and how smoking caused a stroke/ blood clot for this young woman maybe its a sign haha.
i hope Connor is doing ok if you are reading this babe - keep going and hopefully work is keeping you busy.
Im very lucky to have a supportive husband and its so cool we can do this together hopefully will add many years onto our lives by giving up now rather than later and we will both be happier and healthier and financially wealthier haha.
anyway im loving being able to write stuff in this blog, i love writing things and its cool i can just come on here and write it down helps get thru the bored cravings for a smoke. i have kind of come to realize today just how much of a habit it has come as i said earlier im not physically even wanting one its more the habit I'm just used to having one! in saying that tho i am feeling a bit light headed and spacy/ tired because i haven't had one but it isn't affecting me too badly and might have a snooze before my midwife comes.
this is random rambling i know but its my blog haha.
face bovvered?
im off again - no doubt there will be an update in a few hours ;) watch this space.
11.10 am things are feeling good :)
Well after my little sooky moment this morning i decided i needed to go actually do something so we hopped on the bike and went to the beach for a walk, well we stood on the beach as my naughty bubba in my tummy is making my ribs hurt, and was going to get an ice cream but remembered we have some at home and as the whole point is saving money we decided to have ice cream when we got home, however i did get some chewing gum, mints and a magazine to help things.
The cravings are def getting easier and im feeling very positive that we can succeed.
I'm very proud of Connor as he has kept it together amazingly well which is helping me also he seems in a very good mood hahaha and its kinda contagious, he will be off to work soon so will have to keep myself busy.
flight of chonchords, magazine, catherine tate on youtube and sudoku oh and a midwife appointment should help, keep me busy.
anyway we are doing well and things are looking positive.
more updates to come :)
The cravings are def getting easier and im feeling very positive that we can succeed.
I'm very proud of Connor as he has kept it together amazingly well which is helping me also he seems in a very good mood hahaha and its kinda contagious, he will be off to work soon so will have to keep myself busy.
flight of chonchords, magazine, catherine tate on youtube and sudoku oh and a midwife appointment should help, keep me busy.
anyway we are doing well and things are looking positive.
more updates to come :)
Day 1 - time 9.10 am!
Well today is Day 1 of being smoke free.
Connor and I had our last cigarettes at 10.30 pm last night so thats nearly 11 hours ago.
We got up this morning at 7.45 am, put on our patches and had breakfast together, usually we would get up have a smoke give Rhiley breakfast then have another smoke then get Rhi sorted for daycare then have another smoke.... by this time we would have had at least 4 smokes.
I'm finding it really difficult and getting quite stressed, I'm trying to avoid talking to Connor atm as i know i will just burst into tears .
Connor bought a new bike yesterday which cost us alot of money on finance (i wont say how much but we both agreed to get it so wasn't a selfish thing) but we now HAVE to give up smoking so we can afford to pay it, it isn't even a choice to smoke anymore i think thats what I'm struggling with, i know that both of us have to succeed or he will lose his bike but i dont think he quite understands that as he said to me if your not ready don't do it and have some more time to prepare, the payment comes out in two weeks i don't have time to prepare altho i know he was only trying to be supportive of what i want but i want someone to say YOU CAN DO IT!.
I really want to do it for him and that isn't the only reason we want to give up but that was the contract deal sort of thing and the only way we can afford it.
anyway im going to try keep myself busy today and should imagine i'll be using this blog lots today to post my thoughts, feelings ect.
I will be going for a walk shortly but might go take a glass of water outside and go sit in the sun.
will write more later
Connor and I had our last cigarettes at 10.30 pm last night so thats nearly 11 hours ago.
We got up this morning at 7.45 am, put on our patches and had breakfast together, usually we would get up have a smoke give Rhiley breakfast then have another smoke then get Rhi sorted for daycare then have another smoke.... by this time we would have had at least 4 smokes.
I'm finding it really difficult and getting quite stressed, I'm trying to avoid talking to Connor atm as i know i will just burst into tears .
Connor bought a new bike yesterday which cost us alot of money on finance (i wont say how much but we both agreed to get it so wasn't a selfish thing) but we now HAVE to give up smoking so we can afford to pay it, it isn't even a choice to smoke anymore i think thats what I'm struggling with, i know that both of us have to succeed or he will lose his bike but i dont think he quite understands that as he said to me if your not ready don't do it and have some more time to prepare, the payment comes out in two weeks i don't have time to prepare altho i know he was only trying to be supportive of what i want but i want someone to say YOU CAN DO IT!.
I really want to do it for him and that isn't the only reason we want to give up but that was the contract deal sort of thing and the only way we can afford it.
anyway im going to try keep myself busy today and should imagine i'll be using this blog lots today to post my thoughts, feelings ect.
I will be going for a walk shortly but might go take a glass of water outside and go sit in the sun.
will write more later
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